If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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