I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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