I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
