we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
