Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
