I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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