if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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