Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
