he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
