I'm gonna have a badass scar
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
