I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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