I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
