have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
