I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
