Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
