I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
