My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
