I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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