I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
