I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
