I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
