You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
