I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
