i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
