I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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