Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
