Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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