I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
