I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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