Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
