the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
