Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
