SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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