i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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