Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
