By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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