She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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