you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
