Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
