You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and she was petting her beer can
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
