so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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