What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
