I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
