Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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