it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
