did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
