you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
