I just pynch a tree in the face
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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