sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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