Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
