sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sobbing to NWA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
