I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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