you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
