I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
