just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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